Remembering to just breathe ...

Tonight I had a little bit of a freak out. I know that this isn't as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be in my head, but I seriously can't help it. Last month I wrote an entry on Increasing Breast milk Supply , I had started to take fenugreek to increase my milk supply and it was working. Well it worked for about a week and a half. After that the only thing it did was make me smell like maple syrup. Since then I've barely been pumping enough for baby M's next feeding, let alone having extra at the end of the day to freeze. I know me stressing isn't helping the matter either .....
Anyway if you remember, I need to add a little bit of powdered formula to the breast milk so that baby M can keep his food down. If I don't do this, he WILL spit up A LOT. Yesterday, I strictly breastfed him and he was a mess all day. The formula must really help weigh it down in his tiny tummy. Which is frustrating because I know the best way to increase your supply is to simply breastfeed more often!
Now I'm trying a few other things in hopes that something will work soon! I'm eating oatmeal every morning. Oatmeal has been very helpful for many women; it's a great source of iron and a healthy natural galactogogue (a galactogogue is any substance that increases milk supply). I've found recipes for Lactation Cookies that use oatmeal, but I haven't had a chance to make them yet. I also need to spend some time and alter the recipe a little to replace the sugars with Stevia. I unfortunately haven't noticed much of a difference with the oatmeal, but I will continue to eat it. It actually forces me to sit down and eat a healthy breakfast, something that usually gets pushed back till lunch time.

I am also starting to drink Mother's Milk Tea. I only started doing this yesterday, so I can't say much about it yet. I'm used to drinking teas without any sweetener at all, so the taste doesn't bother me. However, if you are used to putting sugar or honey in your tea you may need to do that with this one too. A close friend of mine had great success with this tea, but I'm impatient and can't wait a few more days to see if this alone will work.

So today at dinner I had half of a beer. I've read that the hops in beer is also a galactogogue, and that it's a good idea to drink a beer a couple times a week to maintain and/or increase milk supply.

Oh, and I also started taking Blessed Milk Thistle three days ago. My doctor said to give it at least a week and if I don't notice a difference then increase the dosage.

Back to my 'freak out'. D, baby M and I went to Best Buy this evening to pick up a few things and I had to feed baby M in the car. Of course he spit up a few times immediately after I fed him. Since we were out and I barely pumped enough for today's feedings, I didn't have any milk in the fridge for his dinner. When we got home I had to change him (bath was skipped) and feed him and put him to bed since it was already two hours past his bedtime. That meant I didn't have time to pump so I made him a bottle of straight formula. I know it's not a big deal, but it really is a big deal to me. I hate myself for doing that. Ever since I saw this blog post that showed the microscopic views of formula and how it's basically a 'dead' food product, it reinforced our beliefs and efforts in breastfeeding baby M for at least a year.

As I'm giving baby M his bottle and mentally beating myself up ( logically I know I shouldn't be doing that), I then remember there are a few bags of breast milk in the freezer!!!

SERIOUSLY??!??!?!?!?!?!

I think I need a nap!